“The Last Lecture:” Inspiration for Everyone


Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture was brimming with inspiration and wisdom


This is the sort of wisdom I would like to impart to my children, and the world.  To celebrate the beginning of a new school year, and give us something to think about as we start each day,   August is“Randy Pausch Quote Month” at Chronically Positive Mom.  It is a month dedicated to the wise nuggets he imparted during his famous speech.  You can see the speech in its entirety on YouTube here:


Keep having fun every day!


Who is Randy Pausch, and why would you care about any lecture of his, let alone his last?  

Carnegie Mellon University invited professors to give a lecture to their students as though it was the last lecture they would ever give.  These lectures would impart their greatest wisdom and the information they thought to be the most important for their students to remember.  Randy Pausch gave his speech entitled, Really Acheiving Your Childhood Dreams,” on September 18, 2007, when he had late stage pancreatic cancer, and knew he had only months to live.


The Elephant in the room, was that this really was Randy Pausch’s last lecture.


When you see the elephant in the room, introduce him


Randy was a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon. He obviously wasn’t a mom, but he was a father of three and a husband, who dealt with a significant illness, one he knew would take his life quickly.  Yet he was positive and hopeful until the end.

His lecture is so full of useful tidbits, I just have to share them with you.    And, I’m going to write my own last lecture.  All the things I want my children to know.  It doesn’t have to only be written at the end of someone’s life. Carnegie Mellon would invite their professors to do it because the concept forces the writer to focus only on the most important concepts they would want to leave behind.


I challenge you to write your “Last Lecture.”


Write down everything you would want your family to know if you knew you weren’t going to be here.  What financial, dating, and money lessons would you want them to learn?  What other kind of advice would you want to give them?  Write how you feel about each member of your family, and the specific way they have impacted your life.


Chronically Positive Mom & the Last Lecture


What you do with your last lecture is up to you.  If your children are older, you might want to mail them a copy.  If they’re younger, maybe put it away for the future.  Want to share?  I would love to read it!  Send it to me in an email to jen at  No matter what you decide to do with it, I encourage you to write it.    And I encourage you to follow Chronically Positive Mom & Randy Pausch quote month.  You’ll smile often and find encouragement, and we all need that!



Randy’s Last Lecture was full of ways to enjoy life and have fun.  Want to find ways to have more fun, even on your most difficult days?  I wrote “The Sick Mom’s Guide to Having Fun Again: If I can do it, you can too!” just for you!  Find it here on Amazon:

Why is Fun Important?

Is laughter really the best medicine?

For most of us, the answer is no, don’t quit taking that life-saving pill! But research does show that laughing has positive effects on many of our bodies systems. This article tells all about it:


Why is it that many of us don’t have fun anymore? Until recently, I had almost completely stopped having fun. I wanted my kids to have fun, I wanted my friends to have fun, I wanted my husband to have fun, but me? I didn’t really think about it.

No, I don’t enjoy being a martyr who lets everyone around them get what they want while I suffer. I just really put everyone else’s happiness so far ahead of my happiness, that I didn’t think about it.  I never wanted to be pushy, or ask, “what’s in it for me?” until the day when I did ask, “WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME?”


You CAN have fun again!



**But first, a disclaimer. You should still take care of your kiddos. You should still be responsible. Please don’t think I’m saying you should go back to acting like a child again and ignoring the adulting that you need to be doing. Just focus on having some FUN!**


What do YOU like to do? When was the last time you played with toys with your kids AND ENJOYED IT? If it’s been a long time, start thinking about how to change that. What do YOU like to play with? Seriously. What did you like to play with when you were young? Would you still like that today? What if you went to the store, just to buy a toy that sounds like it would be fun for you to play with, with your children? And why is that idea so crazy?


We’re adults, and we can do what we want. We schedule time for work, exercise, cooking, cleaning, all the boring things, but not for daily fun.  Why aren’t we doing the things we used to dream of?  If you want to read a very serious article on play and fun, go here: Really, it’s a little dark.  They really want you to get out and have some serious fun!


Fun and happiness are good!  When we’re having fun we are happier, we feel better, and our relationships are better.  Life is so much brighter when we are enjoying ourselves.

Get out there! Blow some bubbles, pick a game that tickles your fancy, or do whatever you makes you smile and have some FUN! Your face will thank you, and your family will thank you. “TThe family that plays together, stays together.” Be that family!

Want to have hundreds of ideas for having fun, even when you don’t have much energy?  Check out “The Sick Mom’s Guide® to Having Fun Again: If I can do it, you can too!” on Amazon.  It’s got things to do with your friends, the love of your life, “me” time, and 100 things to do with the kiddos, even when you’re exhausted.  It’ll make you all smile!

The Excitement is Building!

There has been so much happening behind the scenes at Chronically Positive Mom!  Jen’s been working diligently on getting the book published, and the e-book is ready to go with the paperback getting its finishing touches! You can find it ON AMAZON HERE.


We’re going to start a new path here for the rest of 2017–GUEST BLOGGERS!

There’s been a lot of excitement and fantastic bloggers who want to be part of this amazing movement.

Starting Wednesday, June 14th, we’ll have a weekly guest blogger to share their story and their successes with us.


Chronically Positive Mom was started by a chronically ill mom, Jen Hardy, who wanted to help other moms with health issues turn the daily struggle into daily success.  Her symptoms have worsened since November, and she is looking forward to having some other fabulous mamas work with her to keep things moving forward, as she focuses her attention on her health and book, “The Sick Mom’s Guide® to Having Fun Again: If I can do it, you can too!” More info about the book can be found at

Thank you for your patience, it will be well worth the wait!


Adopting a special needs pet can be wonderful!

Adopting a Special Needs Pet is WONDERFUL!


Have you ever thought of adopting a special needs dog? What about adopting a sick cat?  Am I saying you should consider adopting a pet you know isn’t totally healthy?   I’m guessing your answer is no to the first questions, and I’m definitely saying yes to the last one!!!


Why in the world would you want a dog that you know has health needs?

  1. Some of them don’t require long walks-great if you don’t either!
  2. They need extra love and time, which we have (and often need too)
  3. They don’t judge our health situation. (no animals do)
  4. They are OK with just cuddling up when you’re having a tough day.
  5. You are taking care of an animal that might not have had another chance.
  6. You will find your new best friend.
  7. The health benefits of dog ownership are numerous.


Often, dogs who are sick can get better, and many do. Like my sweetheart, Pookie. Most of her health issues are gone or controlled. I will tell you that I NEVER wanted a special needs dog. And yet, that’s exactly what I got. She is the greatest little girl!


But I wasn’t looking for a sick dog!


So how did I end up with an allergy-ridden, ear infections so bad she was deaf, epileptic, bad-knees, barely-can-walk-a-block dog?


Special needs dogs are wonderful to adopt!
Isn’t that the cutest face you’ve ever seen?

I’ll tell you…

I used to have a poodle named Hope, ironically to give me hope when I felt depressed.  In a very-long-story-short version—the fire truck that came to save our house from burning down ran over her and crushed my Hope in our driveway. Whew! THAT was awful. I did want another poodle after that, but I couldn’t bear it right away and it’s so hard to find exactly the right dog with the right personality. We just couldn’t seem to find the right one.

As time went on, and the worse I felt physically, the more I wanted a little pup to cuddle with. But let’s face it, I can’t physically walk a dog every hour, nor do I want little puppy presents (aka poop) all over my floor. What’s a girl to do?

I started looking on I love that you can type in exactly what you want and get adorable faces looking back at you in the click of the mouse. But I wanted a small poodle because I can’t lift more than a few pounds, and I wanted a dog I could pick up to cuddle up in my lap. Also, I’m allergic to most dogs, so we need to be picky. Dogs that meet those specifications are NOT easy to find! And, they are usually VERY expensive (so is my medicine and choices must be made.)

I looked, a little obsessively, online, until I found a little cutie I thought would be perfect. I messaged the rescue, Snooty Giggles, here in Tennessee, about her. They said she wasn’t a good match for me, as she was a little on the hyper side, but they asked what I was looking for and said they’d keep in touch.

I figured I probably didn’t sound like a great owner when I was telling them I can’t move much, or walk a dog more than a few feet, but I decided to wait and see if they would call me. The idea of them matching me up with exactly the right dog did sound pretty wonderful. (Good adoption organizations go through a thourough process to ensure they connect the right companion to the right family)

It took a couple of months for me to get a call that they might have found a buddy for me. They had just gotten three poodles in! They all had significant health problems though, and I really didn’t think I could deal with that when I’ve got my own health stuff here so I told them I’d think about it.

My husband and I talked and decided no, we couldn’t adopt a sick dog. But they had one who was so sick she just sat there on the lady’s lap, and couldn’t be alone when her foster mom went to work because of her seizures. I wanted to have dog just sit on my lap, so we said we’d foster Pookie for 5 days while they found a new long-term foster home for her. Boy was I foolish! One look a that girl and I was hooked!

This is  Pookie in all these pics here..

Sometimes Pookie likes to get dolled up too!


The first night at home, she climbed up on the pillow and curled around my head and my hubby said, “Well, that’s it, I guess we’ll be keeping this dog,” and he was right, although it took us a while to figure that out. She is so calm and wonderful!


She came into our home house-trained and good with the kids (she does not allow screaming though, she will bark at them for that.) What more could I ask for? Oh yeah, and when I’m in bed she stays on my pillow and growls at anyone who dares disturb my rest.


When she had her first seizure I panicked. I called Snooty Giggles and told them I just couldn’t do it, they’d have to find her a new foster. If you’ve never seen a seizure, it’s pretty scary to watch. Then I thought, how could I let her go? I’d go through just about anything for this dog, who better to be with her if she has another one? So I called back and made a permanent commitment. 6 weeks after she came home with me we adopted her on my birthday.


I haven’t regretted adopting her for one minute


She’s so happy to have a happy home!


She takes seizure meds every day, & I just give them to her when I take my own meds. They’re not that expensive after I picked up a pharmacy card online and cut the cost in half! She can’t go for a walk for more than block without needing to be carried, but then neither can I! Basically, we were made for each other!


Pookie just needed love and a regular health regimen to get her feeling better and happy. We cleared up the ear infection, and now she hears great! She’s on special allergy food so she has no allergy symptoms, and she hasn’t had a seizure in almost a year! She still just sits in my lap all day, that’s just who she is, and I love every minute of it!

So, if you’re looking for a great friend to keep you company, try a special needs dog or cat. They’ll love you forever, and you’ll find out that you have more in common than you think!


(Think you might want to try it, but don’t want to make a permanent commitment until you’re sure? You can apply to foster a dog or cat. You’ll need to go through a screening process, then they’ll connect you with a dog or cat you can foster that will fit into your family. You’ll both be helping an animal that desperately needs it, and finding out if special needs pet parenting is right for you.)


Do you have a special pet?  Tell me about it in the comments below…



There’s Excitement In the Air!

I am writing a book!  Well, to be honest, the actual “writing” is done.  Now we are doing the final edit.  That sounds pretty easy, right?  It is.  BUT, as I’ve learned, there’s more to self-publishing a book that writing it.

Yes, I thought that writing a book was the hard part.  I’d toyed with first chapters of several books in the past, but they never got off the ground.  The Sick Mom’s Guide® to Having Fun Again: If I can do it, you can too! Was almost totally completed in eight days.  Yes, 8! That was a book that just came onto the keyboard like ants to a picnic.  It took a month to make it pretty, then off it went to be edited.

After the writing, though, is when the hard work starts for a self-publishing author.  Book images, back cover, pre-orders (read about what it’s like to prepare for that here:, then off to another website to upload and prepare for the paperback.  Audio for the audiobook will be done in June (can you say pushing the limits of time?)

Then the promotion!  A book is no good to anyone unless they know about it and read it.  I have an AMAZING launch team that is about to start reading and reviewing the book.  They’ll share what they love about it to their friends and followers.  I have the privilege of being featured on some amazing podcasts starting in May, and I’ll give you the links to all of them as they are available. Thunderclap is an amazing promotion tool that I will utilize when the cover is ready, and then there is




Over at you can sign up to get a coupon code for the first week the book is out in paperback.  You can tell your friends about it, buy the book it, or share it.  Any and all would be appreciated.  There’s definitely something in it for you!


With all of that, and my inability to breathe last week, it’s been quite a whirlwind.  I apologize for being MIA, and appreciate your understanding.  You are the reason I’m here, and I think about you every day as I prepare the book that will rekindle your joy and give you some fun!


Next week the FUNFEST begins!


Six weeks of articles about having fun & enjoying yourself, even on your worst days.  I’m excited about it & can’t wait to hear how your life is changing for the better,



Children With Special Needs Have a Lot to Teach Us!


What if you could wake up each day smiling in the face of the challenges ahead of you?  What if your health challenges were seen as an obstacle course to play through instead of a ten foot tall brick wall blocking your future?  What if happiness through it all was possible?

Having a chronic illness or disability can be difficult.  Having a chronic illness as a Mom can be totally overwhelming!  We need to adapt to; symptoms, medications & their side effects, medical equipment and the way people respond to that equipment, and many other things.  That, along with the energy we use being a Mom can be really tough.  I’ve noticed that some people struggle with it all, while others seem to stroll through their life with a smile on their face.

I’m all about happiness!  So, I’ve been focusing on those around me who deal with health issues in a positive way.   One day recently, I started watching some of the kids at a pediatric therapy center where my kiddos went to play. That’s where I learned the secret.


A happy, positive attitude can truly make a difference!


Here are some of the things I’ve learned about children with special needs. (I want to wake up every day with their attitude):

  • Young children with special needs aren’t embarrassed to have their diagnosis.
  • Young children with special needs don’t feel guilty for being sick/challenged.
  • Young children with special needs don’t judge anyone.
  • They like everyone and want to be friends.
  • They have reasonable expectations for themselves.
  • They are willing to try do to do things we might not think they can do, and often succeed.
  • They don’t pity themselves
  • They don’t blame others for their problems.
  • They have the biggest, most authentic smiles.
  • They push themselves to be the best they can be without focusing on the difficulty getting there.
  • They believe they are great.
  • They are great.
  • They see their wheelchair/walker/braces as just part of makes them “them.”
  • They hope, and plan for, the future, a future as bright as anyone else’s.
  • Therapy is fun for them…PT, OT, Speech… they can’t wait to go and succeed.


We need to view our challenges through the eyes of our children.  If we believe in ourselves and focus on the positive, we will overcome great odds.  We will feel better and live happier.  We can be miracles to!

Do you want to learn how to have fun again?  Has your life become a boring pile of to-do lists?  Check out the new book coming out in June by Jen Hardy, “The Sick Mom’s Guide® to Having Fun Again: If I can do it, you can too!” at

I LOVE Being a Mom!

I LOVE being a Mom! I love holding those tiny, soft hands; gazing into those deep, innocent eyes; and listening as youth forms its own fascinating opinions and hearing its take on the world.

For a long time, it seemed like loving the “Momness” just wasn’t cool, and when that was true, I was definitely going against the grain.



I was a baby-carrying, breastfeeding, crunchy mama before I even knew what crunchy meant!

Now there is a resurgence of love and acceptance for the love of being a mom, and I am so thankful! Gone are the days of the fantasy super-mom who works 60 hours, tantalizes her husband in the evenings, and bakes 100 cookies for the bake sale on the weekend, then patting her perfect children on the head as they headed up to bed.

Real Mom is back, and she is AWESOME!


I still love the idea of being a superhero, but my superhero is more realistic. She might be in bed more often than most, but she rocks those cute jammies until noon. She loves the heck out of the kids, but has balance, and spends some much-needed time on herself too—she has more to give that way, you know. And as for her husband? Well, they’re a team now. She’s not just his helper, but they are working together to create the fabulous family of their dreams.


I LOVE this life! And I love that other people love it too. We, as moms, needed to move away from the “me” mindset and into a team model. Sure, me time is important, but when it’s over, then the focus goes back to all of us. And the time for judging other women, because they do or don’t work, what school choice they make, or the myriad of other things we used to judge each over is coming to an end. Thank goodness!

Our children are seeing the difference, and they’re liking what they see. They get that time for themselves is good, and it’s OK to tune out—for a bit, but after that, things are much better when we come back together as a loving family.



No matter what kind of mom you are, be proud! Parents have the most important job in the world—overseeing our future. Stay-at-home Moms feel guilty sometimes for not earning money. Working Moms feel guilty sometimes for not being home all the time.  Guilty Mommy isn’t as fun as relaxed mommy, and it’s just not doing anybody any good. You are who you are—go with it! Embrace it! Find other Moms who understand you and love you and hang out with them! I love having friends who do all kinds of different things. We learn from each other.

I wanted to share the joy I’m feeling with you today. There’s been a few rough weeks in the posts here. Mourning is hard, and sad, and that carried over into my writing. It’s better now, and I’m back to my peppy self. I can’t wait to see what the future holds here at Chronically Positive Mom. Big things are coming…

YOUR CHALLENGE FOR TODAY: Take a minute to look into your child’s eyes today and ask what’s on their mind. You’ll both be glad you did! They need you. Even when they don’t seem to want you because they’re too old or too cool, they still need you. They’ll be thankful for your persistence, and you’ll hear about it when they’re older, I promise.


“Why would I want to try to positive when I’m sick?”



  • They steal your time
  • They steal your energy
  • They take away your mobility
  • They make you grumpy
  • They cost you money
  • They make you feel guilty about the things you can’t do
  • They alienate people who don’t understand


I was on Twitter the other day, and a woman was talking about how everyone tells her how to be positive, and she honestly doesn’t WANT to be positive sometimes. I get it. Here’s the truth about me:





There you have it! Not only do I have asthma that literally takes my breath away; neuropathy that causes pain and burning; myopathy that’s atrophying my muscles; and a host of other illnesses; I am also going through pre-menopause. I don’t like to admit it, but it’s true. Sometimes, I am one huge, bundle-of-nerves mess.



We’ve all been there. You are not alone.






It doesn’t come naturally to me. I have to work at it. If I didn’t work at it though, I would alienate everyone in my life that I care about. I WAS alienating the people in my life that I cared about.  All I could think about were my sickness and pain, and the fear and guilt they were causing.

Has my situation changed? No. Am I in less pain? No. But I have better relationships and a bright future, all because I chose to be happy and focus on positive things; my family, this blog, and my new book, and our Chronically Positive Mom support group.





I don’t want you to fake it. Everyone hates that. Sometimes you’re gonna feel like crap. Take the time you need to feel it, and do what you can to ease your burden. But after a bit, choose to focus on something else. Create your blog, write your book, put those thousands of pictures you have into some sort of order, write letters to all your long-lost friends. Do something, plan something., connect with someone. Want to learn about publishing a book?  Apply to be on the launch team for “The Sick Mom’s Guide® to Having Fun Again”  You’ll get a free book and a behind the scenes peek at the process, and some other special stuff!


I promise, if you let your mind have something besides you to focus on, you will feel a bit better.


Want to know more?  Check out this article called, “Positive thinking: Stop negative self-talk to reduce stress” from the Mayo clinic:


YOUR CHALLENGE FOR TODAY: Find something to focus on the next time you feel miserable. Post it in the comments below, maybe you’ll give someone else the idea they needed to feel better too!

The Sick Mom’s Guide™ to Having Fun Again

A new book is coming!


Who is it for?

Any Mom who is sick & tired of being sick & tired!


I can’t wait for you to read “The Sick Mom’s Guide™ to Having Fun Again!”  Writing it has been an incredible journey for me, and it has helped me discover so many things I didn’t even realize I could do until I began writing.  I can’t wait to share it with other Moms who feel the way I did just a short year ago; sad, lonely, and bored.  They will become happier, more connected, and start having fun again!  It will be published in June, just in time for Summer vacation reading!


Imagine having a reference for experiencing fun with:

  • the love of your life
  • your friends
  • your kids
  • yourself!  Guilt-free all-out FUN!
  • going to the doctor’s office (yes, really)



For all the details, go to:


Whether you are a Mom with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, depression, pending surgery, health issues, or you’re just sick and tired of being sick and tired, “The Sick Mom’s Guide™” has a wealth of ideas about having fun and enjoying yourself.  I’ve had so much fun researching and asking everyone I know (and some people I don’t really know) about how to have fun when we feel miserable.  That’s a really hard thing to do, especially when you feel too yucky to get creative!  So I’ve started the book off with some ways to not feel so miserable anymore.

We need to think back to when we were girls, and we had hopes and dreams and plans for our grown-up years. Although some of those plans won’t work now, others WILL!  And we need to start thinking about what we like and what makes us feel happy again.  Sometimes it’s hard to come up with great ideas when we’re sick or in pain, so I’ve put some fabulous ideas together.

Inside there’s a list of 100 things to do with your kids!  50 of the ideas are for when you don’t feel well enough to get off the couch & 50 of them when you can get out, but don’t have much energy or strength.


Want to meet some of the fabulous contributors to the book?  Come check out our support group here:

Come back soon to see what’s happening next…we’re sharing the process with you, so you can see what the process of writing and publishing a book is and be part of it with us.  It’s all about our community, and making it better–and more FUN!


Can’t wait to share more with you!



YOUR CHALLENGE FOR TODAY:  Find a way to have fun today.  You deserve it!



One day, about a decade ago, I was talking to a neighbor who was going through a hard time she said “I can’t talk to you about what’s going on–your life is so perfect, you’d never understand.”


I was floored! My life was NOT perfect. But I was really good at hiding my reality. I didn’t do it on purpose mind you. I grew up in a home of abuse and alcoholism, where keeping the reality of our lives under wraps was the unspoken rule.


On the outside, my childhood seemed idyllic. Our extended family would come across the country to stay with us and bask in our sunny California home. We had horses and chickens and a pool with a pool house. My home was actually a field trip destination for my school! People used to wish they could be me, but no one had any idea of what ‘being me’ was like when the company was gone.

My young adult years were spent doing nothing I want to share here, but suffice it to say that poor choices were made. Then a poor marriage choice was made. We tried to make it work for eighteen years, but some things just aren’t right. That conversation with my neighbor came just before the divorce.


When you grow up in abuse and addiction, you learn certain behaviors, and expect them in others. I thought that love was screaming at me until 2am and then lovingly coming in a few hours later to offer me pancakes before school.  I was an isolated, only child (until I was 12) and didn’t spend enough time with “normal” families to know that it was all wrong.

My adult life started with the same patterns. I thought I was better. I thought I’d broken the cycle. I thought my kids had things so great. And they did, to a degree. But I still didn’t understand that I deserved to be treated right and fairly, and loved unconditionally. I did those things for my kids, but they saw things happening that were not ok.


I’m telling you this for a reason.


I have a blog about being a mom. I’m writing a book about being a mom. But I, just like everyone else, am NOT a perfect mom. My self-righteous old me used to think so, but she was wrong.


Because of the things that happened years ago, I don’t have a relationship with my oldest daughter. It is the most heart-wrenching part of my life. I’m not sharing details, because I respect her and her privacy. Please do the same thing, as I’m sure you would want for your own child.

I also don’t have a relationship with my own mother. Sometimes we have to let toxic things go, even when missing them tears us apart.


I am the most fortunate woman though! I have met someone who lives life with the viewpoint of a happy, untainted child, while still being strong and able to take care of our family. He has shown me what a normal, healthy relationship and family look like.  He has been willing to teach me, a slow and painful process, how to have healthy relationships.  And he loves me unconditionally, through my illness and through my pain.

I have had the opportunity to start again.   I am working at re-building the relationships I hadn’t realized were broken from the start, and create new, healthy ones. I have a life that I can share–with my friends and with the world–without hiding anything.  It’s been a new experience for me, and I’m still amazed at my life!  I owe most of my now-happy life to my husband, Dave, who saw through the heartache and bitterness in me, and taught me how amazing life can be when we focus on the positive.  He’s been teaching me for 9 years now, what true love looks like and that I’m OK.  He’s a husband, life-coach, and cheerleader.  Somehow all while being a strong, grounded person.



That’s why Chronically Positive Mom is working.  I’ve been there.  I know what drowning in the negativity and pain, both physical and emotional, is like.  And I have been able to break through it to create a better life–for myself, my family, and everyone I meet.



I want to be transparent with you, my reader and my friend. I want you to know me. The good and the bad. Some may choose to not come back, but the rest of you will know that I am human–fallible, and honest.  Most of my life I’ve hidden who I am.  I was guilty, embarrassed, and ashamed.  My story isn’t as bad as many, but it’s not the perfect, rosy picture I wish it was.  I’ve never told anyone about it all.  Until now.  Now I’m telling the world.  It leaves me feeling so many things, mostly vulnerable.  But I can’t go on writing about Mom-ness without complete transparency.

The chronically positive mom has come a long way, and she has much further to go. I hope you’ll join me on the path. We are going to have fun along the way, but sometimes the road of life is bumpy. I’m here for you when it gets tough, because even though I’m smiling in the pictures, I do understand.